UNCLE!

Dammit, did you hear me?? I said UUUNCLE!

I have so had enough.

They say the good Lord doesn't give you any more than you can handle. Can I sit the next round out? I'm getting real tired of handling.

I'm not a whiner by nature. Really. And once I get past the initial stress, I do pretty well dealing with things as they come up. Though I do owe some - ok, many - thanks to Celexa.

I've already talked about my father-in-law who is battling cancer. Part is untreatable, part is treatable. He's doing really good, for now. I haven't heard what the outcome was of the 6 bladder treatments is. Come to think of it, I don't think they'll know until next month.

After we got back from visiting the in-laws in December, Mike found out the boss had laid off everyone during that week. After giving a multitude of promises that things were fine, they had plenty of work, yada, yada, yada. Just let me blow some smoke up your asses boys so I can feel good about myself.

So Mike, by the grace of God, does find another job. But it's out of town. Right now it's in Alabama. He works 3-4 weeks straight, then comes home for a week. He's home this week.

He came home to 2 vehicles that needed maintenance. While doing routine maintenance on his, it blew a brake line. Just after one of the boys had driven it. Scared him senseless. He finished the maintenance and fixed the brake line and moved it out of the garage last night so he could put mine in. Mine is also having braking issues.

Back up just a couple days. Devan's wrestling coach told him he needed to see a doctor about a mat burn on his ear. It didn't look quite right. Mike takes him in early Monday morning. The doctor doesn't want to open it up to get a sample for a culture because that will just be another exposure to infection. But...it looks like a full-blown staph infection. As I read his notes on our copy of the paperwork, way down in the bottom amidst the other scribbles is one that stands out...MSRA??? You've got to be shitting me. That would be the one that keeps putting kids in the hospital, on IV antibiotic drips, parents holding vigil, and some of them die. That MRSA. He's on some high-powered antibiotics and is supposed to go back for reevaluation on Saturday or Sunday.

And today is the topper. Mike calls me at work. I hadn't even been there an hour. "Hon, I need you to call the insurance office. My pickup is burning in the driveway." WTF??? I was up and grabbing my shit, yelling down the hall for my building mate to call my boss, and out the door in about 10 seconds flat. I had to get through the roadblock down the street by screaming at the cop that the fire was at MY HOUSE DAMMIT! By the time I got home, the flames were out and it was a hissing, smoldering mess. There's foam all over the truck, all over the driveway, all over our 2 storage buildings. There's a gazillion volunteer firemen in my yard, and I arrived just in time to see Mike wing his keys into the air. The hat went next.

He has never had a truck this nice. Ever. It was a 2002 GMC HD 2500 Duramax Diesel. Fully loaded except for the automatic ass wiper. This thing had more bells and whistles than a carnival. We agonized over buying it. Dumped all our savings into the down payment. Scrimped to make payments during the winter. Cursed when it needed tires last year. Praised it for hauling everything and anything. It was our Max. It is now a hunk of charred metal, melted plastic, sizzled wires, on $1000 worth of brand new tires that still hold air. The firefighter we talked to said it looked like the block heater had a malfunction. A malfunction. Really? Generally, a malfunction doesn't put me in the mind of TOTAL FUCKING LOSS.

The insurance adjuster has been here. Even though it only burned from the windshield forward, it is a total loss. That diesel motor is worth a lot to replace. And the transmission. Don't forget the front transfer case. All the electronics and computer. Two fenders. One hood. And plastic. Who knew there was that much plastic on the front end?

Mike had to run down to the insurance office to sign some power-of-attorney paperwork. Since we are both on the title, his signature will be needed for all the final paperwork. He's leaving for Alabama on Sunday and won't be here to sign anything for who knows how long. This way, the adjuster can sign in his absence and I will provide the other necessary signature. Dealing with insurance is never good. Never.

I'm so ready for a boring few months. No major upheavals. No medical emergencies. No calls to emergency services. Just a boring life of TV, meatloaf, and playing couch potato.

Is that too much to ask?